Reader Carmen sent me this link to a New York Times story on Titanium necklaces being worn by baseball players. At $23 a pop, these are made of nylon, coated in a titanium solution that the manufacturer claims helps improve circulation and reduce muscle stress.
So how do they work? This from Scott McDonald, who is selling them:
Everybody has electricity running through their bodies… This product stabilizes that flow of electricity if you're stressed or tired. Pitchers are seeing that they aren't as sore. Injured players are seeing that they recover faster from workouts. People are always skeptical, but when they try it, they become believers.
Bwahahaha, this is the same logic used by people who say that our bodies are 90% water, and the moon causes tides, so astrology must work. Yes, but there’s just no freaking connection. So what if we do have electricity running through our bodies? How does that translate to a piece of metal round my neck “stabilizing electricity” (if “stabilizing electricity” even meant anything, which it doesn’t)? And why titanium? Wouldn’t copper conduct better?
It’s claimed these are being worn by 200 major leaguers and 80 percent of Japanese players. They sound like a pretty gullible lot, apparently rubbing snake oil on their arms and smearing mascara under their eyes too. Why do they do that, by the way? Anybody know? Someone told me it was to stop from being dazzled by reflected sunlight, but that doesn’t make sense either.
The NYT didn’t even suggest these things might not work, and I have to assume it’s because the article was tongue in cheek. Even so, I do believe Phiten® Titanium products mean us to take them seriously:
Phiten® Titanium products promote pain relief and performance enhancement. Titanium emits energy that is effective in controlling the flow of bioelectric current. When this current is stabilized, the muscles relax and blood circulation increases, allowing for easier movement and pain relief. All Phiten® products help relieve pain in muscles and joints by improving the alignment of ions, especially at the body's crucial motor points. Our product is also effective in the temporary relief of pain from bursitis, sciatica, tendonitis, certain types of arthritis and numberous other conditions.
Aaah, it improves the alignment of ions – of course, if ions are involved it must be real. Hey, I do believe this product would qualify for Randi’s $Million. Perhaps readers would like to Email Phiten to ask them if they want to apply? I’ll publish any replies here.
A little lower please, and tighter.