Putting the fun in fundamentalism

Check out the hilarious Fundies Say the Darndest Things! Website. It’s a round-up of the nuttiest of the nutty posts on fundamentalist discussion boards such as Christian Forums, Christian Message Board and of course Rapture Ready. It also includes posts by fundamentalists on atheist forums such as Internet Infidels. You would think from reading them that these are made-up quotes, but they are all actual posts made by real people during online debates. They are funny for the reason that they were all obviously written with such serious intent.

They are fascinating. My favorite has to be this November’s post of the month:

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.

(Emphasis added.)

A powerful argument. Still, I’m confident that sooner or later scientists, working diligently, will locate and identify this external source of energy that provides light and heat to planet Earth. Quite a day that will be.

The site owner suggests memorizing a few favorite quotes to tell to your friends, to instantly become the life of the party. (If you don’t know where to start, just use the search page and the keywords "babies" or "gravity": more than enough comedic gold to last all night.) This practice comes with a warning though: once you start this it’s hard to stop. Before you know it you have spent a whole evening reading this stuff. You have been warned.

As an aside, if you’ve ever wondered why these people are called fundamentalists, here’s the reason: it’s because they speak out of their fundament. You heard it first here.

Comments

[Mike Nilsen]

Professor Poindexter! Professor Poindexter! I just walked out of the lab, and there's a huge ball of fire burning in the sky! What is it?!

[Yahweh]

I have a few all-time favorite quotes:

"Did you know that all bulls are males? How can these bulls mate to have more bulls? It's your funeral evolutionists. Admit evolution is a pathetic fantasy created by scientists because they can't accept God."

Eternal, Internet Infidels

"[After being told 'they mate with cows, you idiot']

Then, why don't the bulls that are born have some bull like features and cow spots? If a bull mates with a cow, wouldn't you get a female eventually? Evolution is dead water."

Eternal, Internet Infidels

"Why is it that apes and monkeys have no beards or mustaches. Apes do not seen to be into body art or body piercing either. This is just an observation. Beards have been around seemingly since Adam and yet I see no connection with primates. Come to think of it, I've seen no ape sporting the "Tarzan" look. After supposed "millions" of years of cavemen hanging around with apes, apes still are not into sporting clothing. In fact, they (unlike us) do not even seem to understand the idea of modesty. It would seem that apart from a few similarities in form, that is where the similarities end. They are animals-----we are humans."

LittleNipper, Christian Forums

"Male primates don't shave. They never shaved. They do not grow beards. Male humans who never shave grow beards. Therefore humans and primates do not share a common ancestor."

LittleNipper, Christian Forums

"If it [earth's magenetic field] repolarizes, as you claim, why don't birds ever migrate NORTH for the winter? Also, magnets of a like polarity REPEL each other, so why don't animals that eat a lot of iron fly off into space? As to the magnetic field, this would pull the moon closer because the Moon has iron in it. Therefore, it's magnetic. The magnetic field 3 billion years ago would destroy ALL life forms, and a repolarization would send EVERYTHING into space."

GodsSamus, Christian Forums

"If I had a daughter [who had sex before marriage] I would not stone her, but she would think she was going to die when I got through with the razor strap."

SabreWolfSS, 123 Christian Forums

Feel the love :)

[Skemono]

You are so beautiful to me right now.

[Sotek]

"As an aside, if you’ve ever wondered why these people are called fundamentalists, here’s the reason: it’s because they speak out of their fundament. You heard it first here."

Nah. ;)

I heard it first a ... while ago. But it's still funny, at least! :D

[Graham Douglas]

On the unevolvability of strawberry cheesecake:

"Another good argument is dessertaion. Mathematicians, can study the desserts and determine the function at which it grows by turning the forrest into dessert as a natural event. If evolution is right how come the world is not completely overrun with dessert. Global warming and o-zone holes are modern, so how evolutionist explain the desserts which expand at a constant function? The mathematicians agree that the Sahara dessert is about 4000 years old, the same time Christians trace back the geneology of Adam."

Well, it made oi larf.

[Tara]

FSTDT is hilarious, as was Allan's spoof, organisms that look designed. I'm sure he'd be happy that people are still laughing at this and spreading it around; he died last month of CF at the age of 20.

[Skeptyk]

Thanks, Tara, for mentioning Winace/Allan. He is missed.

[AndyD]

How do these people actually, like, function in the real world? Some of these people must drive or operate heavy machinery. Or even, and I don't want to stop anyone sleeping at night, vote.

[[Shudder]]

I mean, imagine the sort of President that the US would end up with if all the fundies voted. He'd start trying to bring about the end of the world...

[BronzeDog]

I mean, imagine the sort of President that the US would end up with if all the fundies voted. He'd start trying to bring about the end of the world...

You mean he's not? ;)

[Shawn]

The 2nd law of thermodynamics states clearly that entropy increases in a CLOSED system. Also, the organizing principles of evolution cause entropy to INCREASE in their environment (heat generation, etc). This is why increasing complexity through evolution is thermodynamically acceptable.

I can't expect everyone to have taken biochemistry, but this is plainly seen in biochemical reactions within organisms.

This is a tired old argument and expecting people bent on PROVING religion through science to actually use science properly is expecting too much.

Science education needs serious attention in the US. It is currently taught like religion. A memorization of a laundry list of facts. Don't ask questions, just memorize and accept. No wonder people believe in astrology and think you can prove the existance of god.

[BronzeDog]

I've occasionally thought of introducing the idea of a critical thinking class or club or something.

Unfortunately, I doubt many schools around here would like the idea.