Anyway, I’m not going to bore you with details of how many posts I’ve made, how many visitors, etc etc. You don’t care. Instead, I started thinking about all the people we’ve met over the past year, and wondered how they might answer the age old question of this post’s title. So, in celebration of Skeptico’s first birthday, and for (what I hope will be) your Friday amusement, I present the various answers to the question…
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I have a million dollar prize for the chicken if it can cross a road as it claims. It is now 225 weeks since the chicken agreed to be tested, and so I ask the chicken, when will you fulfill your promise?
(Sound of crickets…)
If the chicken crossed the road, the skeptics wouldn’t believe it; they would just believe that Randi was simply scammed out of his million. It wouldn't change the prevailing attitudes towards poultrypsychology.
Gary Schwartz PhD
I have proven that chickens cross roads in the afterlife. I don’t need to publish my data: I have a PhD from Harvard.
I have a million dollar prize for anyone who can prove to a team of judges I appoint that invisible chickens that cross invisible roads don’t exist.
I’m a lawyer.
Randi ran away from the duck crossing the beach test in Bali, so why should the chicken bother? Quack quack.
James Van Praagh
Just because I can’t prove the chicken crossed the road doesn’t mean it didn’t.
Do you have somebody who is a “C”?
They’re showing me feathers. Wings. A beak. Do you know an eagle?
A bird of some kind?
Caller: I know a chicken
Edward: You know a chicken that crossed? I thought so because they’re showing me a plate of scrambled eggs.
Larry King: Wow! That’s amazing! How does he do it?
There are a lot of chickens that just pretend to cross roads. Beware of these fake chickens – mine really can cross roads.
Send me a close-up photo of the chicken’s ass and a check for $125, and I’ll tell you.
At the sign of the APAC
Great beasts howl through the night
Two blazing eyes a long time will make war
The Chicken & the Eagle, France the three brothers.
“Chicken” in Hebrew is “Tarnegolet”. Using Gematria - the ancient Hebrew system of numerology – “Tarnegolet” converts to 372 = 3+7+2=12 = 1+2=3. Eggs are sold by the dozen. A dozen is 12 = 1+2=3. Could it be that chickens and eggs were created at the same time (which answers the age-old question)? God’s signature is in our DNA which is also 3. So God put it in the DNA of chickens to cross roads.
A baker’s dozen is 13. The next Fibonacci number after 8, the target frequency of the Schumann Resonance, is 13. Can it be just coincidence that these two numbers are the same? Surely not.
I’m a scientist.
There is a war on chickens crossing the road - part of the secular progressive agenda to get chickens and crossing roads out of the public square. Because if you can question why chickens need to cross roads then you can pass secular programs, like legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will and compulsory gay marriage for everyone.
I’d like to say to the good chickens by the side of the road: if you are crossing the road and a car is about to run you over: don’t turn to God, you just rejected Him. And don’t wonder why He hasn’t helped you when the car hits you: you just voted God out of your lives. But don’t forget, Jesus loves you.
Chickens are really angels with very real messages for us about when to cross roads.
We farm using the principles of biodynamics, a form of farming in which chickens are treated with homeopathic remedies rather than antibiotics, and the signs of the zodiac determine when to cross roads.
It wasn’t a chicken; it was a shape shifting lizard.
The interesting thing about the tsunami was, no chicken died. They were so tuned in to the forces of nature that they crossed the road to the high level mountainous area on the other side where the tidal waves could not reach (quantum mechanics quantum mechanics).
Dr. Jay Gordon
The American Academy of Poultry has a very cozy relationship with the chicken industry. Most speakers in the crossing roads controversy are paid consultants to the chicken industry; this means their conclusions are wrong.
Since the commencement of this project, PSI TECH has worked diligently on the first objective: to find the chicken. It was determined within the first few hours that it was deceased – it had been run over by a milk truck while crossing the road. The driver of the milk truck was a white male with short cropped hair – here is a picture of the driver.
DID WE SAY DECEASED? Nooooooooooo, we meant it crossed the road safely. It isn’t that remote viewing doesn’t work; we just misinterpreted the data (er, we didn’t see the chicken safe on the other side, but we see it now).
Robert F. Kennedy Junior
In June 2000, a group of top government veterinarians and poultry officials gathered secretly for a secret meeting at an isolated broiler farm in Norcross, Ga. Convened by the Centers for Chicken Disease Control and Prevention (CCDC), the meeting was held at this remote retreat to ensure complete secrecy. All of the scientific data under discussion, CCDC officials repeatedly reminded the participants, was strictly “secret”.
Did I say “secret”? Does it sound like a conspiracy yet? According to the following out of context quotes from the transcripts (obtained under the Freedom of Information Act – aren’t I great?), the officials spent the whole of the two days just conspiring how to cover up the damaging revelations about how salmonella would affect the poultry industry's bottom line. This proves thimerosal causes salmonella.
I’m a lawyer.
A chicken crossing a road has:
- a road
- the other side
If any one of those irreducibly complex parts is missing the chicken will be unable to cross the road, so if it looks, walks (across roads) and clucks like a chicken, then, absent compelling evidence to the contrary, it's an intelligently designed chicken. Its legs are molecular machines, literally outboard motors. Look at Mount Rushmore… (Continued)
While evolution is able to explain small scale changes within species, it has completely failed to explain the sudden explosion of life forms during the Cambrian Explosion, where the chicken appeared suddenly in the fossil record with no trace of evolutionary ancestors (eggs). Since Darwin’s theory can’t explain precisely how this particular chicken crossed this precise road at this precise spot at this precise time, any life of any kind, anywhere, is evidence of design.
The Dover School Board
The theory of crossing roads is a theory not a fact. Gaps in the theory exist for which there is no evidence. If you wish to investigate the alternative theory of “intelligent crossing”, you should consult a book called “Of Chickens and People” in the school library.
Kansas Board of Education
An unknown supernatural entity made the chicken cross the road at an unknown time in an unknown way for an unknown reason. Intelligent crossing is a scientific term.
According the 322 parameters and the probabilities for each that I have made up, there is a less than 1 chance in 10282 that a chicken could cross a road without a divine miracle.
It was part of God’s plan to give the chicken an even bigger platform during Super Road Crossing Sunday than it otherwise would have had, thus proving God's greatness.
The vaccine won’t protect you against chicken flu. Louis Pasteur renounced that theory on his deathbed and said that Beauchamp was right: it’s not the mosquito, it’s the terrain; it's not the chicken, it’s the inhumane battery conditions they’re kept in where they don’t get to run around happily in the sunlight, pecking freely at the ground and crossing roads at will.
I’m a board member of PETA.
The genetically modified chicken crossed the road to contaminate the non-GM chickens on the other side of the road with genetically modified DNA. This has created a “superchicken” that can cross roads at will without ever being hit by a truck.
The chicken awoke to find it was paralyzed and surrounded by aliens that teleported it out of its bedroom, over the road to the mother ship where they performed experiments on its eggs.
What you have is a chicken that is predisposed to believe it can cross roads. Here's a chicken who reads maps and travel guides. It watches “Martha Stewart” and other cookery programs. Then one night it has a sleep-paralysis experience. It doesn’t mean it really happened.
Ramtha channeled by JZ Knight
The chicken can create its own crossing roads reality just by thinking about it (quantum mechanics quantum mechanics).
The chicken crossed the road to receive auditing. The auditing will reveal a need yet to cross additional roads for more auditing. The additional auditing will reveal a need to cross even more roads for even more auditing. This will reveal… (continued).
Penny Thornton (astrologer)
We can only make assumptions as to why chickens cross roads. But given that these ancient civilizations saw omens in the flights of birds and sheep’s entrails, why not chickens?
Robert Hand (astrologer)
Although I study chickens for a living, if you wish to get the answer you are going to have to do the research yourself.
Dorian Gieseler Greenbaum (astrologer)
As post modernity impacts on all epistemological levels to link eidos with telos in a hermeneutic perspective, science acknowledges that it is no longer the sole custodian of why chickens cross roads.
Now for some commenters on this blog…
What’s wrong with asking if the chicken is channeling Ramtha when it crosses the road? Did gravity exist before Newton discovered it?
Grace (and others)
Chickens have been crossing roads for 5,000 years. What makes you think that the tools of science, only a few hundred years old, will be adequate to prove or disprove this?
If you question why chickens cross roads you must be a grinding a political axe. I bet you disagree with Michael Moore too. If you don’t immediately tell me your political affiliation that proves chickens can cross roads.
Why does Skeptico need to appease his ego by asking for evidence that chickens cross roads? Allopathy kills 225,000 people per year and Stephen Barrett has lost his license and needs a toupee, so chickens can cross roads.
Skeptico called Auerbach an “idiot”. Skeptico’s use, once, of this single word refutes all of Skeptico’s argumentations and means chickens can cross roads.
I’m an engineer.
Edit (Added on request):
Logical Fallacy/Propaganda Tactic: Changing the subject / Red herring: the reason the chicken crossed the road is irrelevant to the issue. The only purpose for questioning the chicken’s reason for crossing the road, at least in this case, is to distract people from the issue.
And now, some of my fellow skeptical bloggers…
Autism Diva awards the chicken four tiaras, her highest award, for outstanding effort at crossing roads on behalf of autistics everywhere.
Here is an explanation of how invertebrates evolved the ability to cross roads…
Yes why indeed? It was suggested that the crossing was caused by a supernatural being. Well, yes, it might, it might. But is it likely? I mean, is it? Seriously. Think about it. Is it likely? At all? Does it seem even remotely plausible? That “some all powerful conscious being” (but who? oh, who? who might it be? Colonel Sanders?), powerful enough to “produce” perhaps the entire universe and some conscious beings with free will - would cause a chicken to cross the road?
NASA terminated the chicken’s road crossing expedition so it can concentrate on the useless Space Station and its new priority of sending chickens to the Moon.
The chicken crossed the road to see these really cool pictures of the egg nebula taken by the Near Infrared Camera and Multi-Object Spectrometer (NICMOS) on the Hubble Space Telescope. Science is really cool. I love this stuff.
I'll go out on a limb and say it was probably to get to the other freaking side you moron.
This will be the last article I write about the chicken and the crossing the road case for a while. This post is definitely the last one. If something new comes up, certainly I'll think about addressing it, but there are only so many times and ways one can debunk the chicken "rebuttal" to the crossing roads report without starting to bore people (although the sheer number of howlers that the chicken included in his report did provide a lot of blogging material to handle them properly). So I’m not going to write about this much more.
But, before I move on, I just wanted to write this one more post about the chicken’s rebuttal. That’s what this post is going to be about. Once I get to it it will be, anyway. Honestly. So here I am, writing my last post on the chicken and the crossing the road case. My last post for a while anyway. OK. It’s going to be good. Here goes.
When the chicken… (Continued.)
The question is not, why did the chicken cross the road? Before I answer that question you will first need to demonstrate if the chicken crossed the road. So if you have any evidence that the chicken did actually cross the road, please present it.
Sorry to those I missed