Good news! Disposing of nuclear waste from nuclear power stations used to be a problem. No more. Pop icon Madonna says it can be cleaned up with a dash of Kabbalah water:
MADONNA and her husband Guy Ritchie have been lobbying the government and nuclear industry over a scheme to clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid.
The couple, both followers of the Jewish spiritual movement, approached Downing Street, Whitehall and British Nuclear Fuels (BNFL) promoting a “mystical” liquid tested in a Ukrainian lake.
Madonna and other Kabbalahists believe water can be given magic healing powers through “meditations and the consciousness of sharing”. Sure it can. Here’s an example of the meditations and the consciousness of sharing in action:
Undercover reporters who attended a Kabbalah Centre dinner in London described how Madonna and Ritchie were among guests who turned east towards Chernobyl and began shouting its name.
There – and you thought this made no sense. And not only does the magic water clean up nuclear waste, it can also fix gynecological problems in cows and sheep. Is there anything it can’t do? Here’s Madonna with the scientific explanation:
“I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste,” she said. “That’s something I’ve been involved with for a while with a group of scientists — finding a way to neutralise radiation, believe it or not.”
One un-named British official summed this up with the only reasonable response:
“… the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically”.
Well, yes. That was nothing though. If you thought that made no sense, listen to this:
“I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn’t a world to conquer, what’s the point?
Madonna has made fabulous films? Now she's really talking bollocks.