Tomorrow, February 3rd, will be the two-year anniversary of this blog. Skeptico is still going after two years, although not posting at the same rate as the first year. I’m currently getting 1,000 to 1,500 visitors a weekday, and just over half a million visitors in total (as of last Monday). Admittedly, that’s not as many as some people, but it’s not bad. The most read post is still my review of What The Bleep Do We Know!?, from April of 2005.
At the one year anniversary last year I posted Why did the chicken cross the road? – a retrospective of the bozos liars and frauds we met during that year. As this turned out to be a popular post, I decided to do the same again this year. I haven’t repeated the first year’s names, although many of their answers still apply. (If you want to read last year’s list, just click the link above.) There are a few who, through their continued stupidity, warranted revised entries. Most of them are new though.
So again, in honor of Skeptico’s blog birthday, and for your Friday amusement, I present Why did the chicken re-cross the road?
It is forbidden to draw pictures of the chicken crossing the road – kill infidels.
It is forbidden for the chicken to convert from Islam – cut off its head.
To protest blasphemers.
To ban a gay parade.
To decide whether it feels like believing in Limbo today or not.
It comes as a splash of cold water to realize that science doesn't really know what the answer to this question actually is. This sounds like a rash claim, but the mystery is there for all to see. This proves we should be using our own mind and body as healing agents. (Buy my book.)
I have stopped answering this question due to the show's "inappropriate ridicule" of chickens crossing roads.
A chicken only uses 10% of its brain to cross the road.
Why do chicken’s cross road’s? Who know’s?
Because someone was staring at it on this side of the road.
To take dictation from a dead person, or to make some lame-ass psycho-babble guesses about the killer (you choose).
To drink a protein shake and bench-press 2,000 pounds.
The Society continues with its aim of understanding events and abilities commonly described as 'crossing roads' by promoting and supporting important research in this area. One day we’ll have an answer. Give us time - we’ve only been working on it for 125 years.
I’m not interested in your idea of why the chicken crossed the road; buy my book that describes my idea of why the chicken crossed the road.
We’ve just set up our own Institutional Review Board to review our studies into why chickens cross roads. This isn’t unethical.
Here is a list of 130 days in 2001 when chickens should avoid terrorist acts while crossing roads.
To divine the astrological meaning and significance of the new planet Eris.
To fart and create the vast variety of life we see on Earth.
To download complex scientific information about the universe from a blackbird.
Because of the Jews. Are you a Jew, sugar tits?
To set up a new website that’s not about making money, oh no.
To neutralize nuclear waste with Kabbalah water.
To threaten bloggers with legal action unless they remove an expose of their useless Shield Me product.
To make up a list of phony logical fallacies and (when caught out) pretend it was only joking.
To see its new baby
It’s a secret.
To make a design inference, just like real scientists do. No, really.
The public school system has taught in a moral vacuum, expelling God from the school and from the government, replacing him with evolution, where the strong kill the weak without moral consequences, and so chickens cross the road for no inherent reason.
To sue the government for being abducted by aliens.
To be held in the embrace of an ultraviolet pulse beam from higher dimensions.
Chickens are only crossing lanes, not roads. It’s only a road if it’s at least a three lane highway, consequently there is no epidemic of chickens crossing roads and thimerosal causes autism.
To find Shawn Hornbeck’s dead body “in a wooded area”.
To find Shawn Hornbeck’s dead body “in a railway car”.
Randi is an atheist and a magician, so I don’t have to answer this question.
And now for some bloggers:
To get some more anti-biotics (sic) for its cold/virus thing.
To get a blog name that isn’t already taken.
And some commenters on this blog:
The truth of the matter is that there is simply no NEED for chickens to cross roads. Why? Because there is currently more than enough food on this side of the road, and if not the rest can starve anyway.
To truly look deeply at the work of Gregg Braden, past all the scientific analysis, the left brain analytical details and past its own scepticism, to reach a place we call compassion. Why are you so angry?
To give you the same old list of dopey rationalizations for astrology that have been debunked numerous times before.
You speak as if you claim to know exactly why chickens cross roads, or why they don’t, or even that you can know. You don't, anymore than me. You call things proven, because they cross a road. I have room in my mind for mystery, for that which is intangible, and has none of your proof.
The chicken is right .... you people are uninformed voices. I am very pleased that the chicken is smart enough not to engage with those who do not want to know the truth about crossing roads. Do some reading and become informed - just don’t expect me to explain what you are uninformed about.
That’s it for another year.