This Sunday February 3rd will be the third anniversary of this blog, and as with previous years I've revisited the numerous kooks we met in the last year, and thought about how they would answer the age old question: why did the chicken cross the road? See my post commemorating 2006’s first anniversary, Why did the chicken cross the road?, and the 2007 version, Why did the chicken re-cross the road? for the previous versions. And with no long-winded preamble, I give you 2008’s version of:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it’s a Law just like gravity.
And if you disagree I’ll delete your comment.
We just spent £18,000 to see if chickens can cross roads. But we only used “novice” chickens. The real ones who can actually cross roads refused to take part.
Our vaccines are making chickens cross roads because of the mercury in them. How many more chickens are crossing roads every year because there is so much mercury everywhere? Amish chickens don’t cross roads, neither do Christian Scientists’ or Scientologists’ chickens… (continued next year).
To get a “wellness” acupuncture treatment. Even though it doesn’t doesn't suffer from any actual ailments.
To wear out its flawed heart so I can miraculously repair it.
Only God can cross roads every time. Take down your website or I’ll sue you.
Chickens always cross roads, every time, no exceptions.
I never said that chickens always cross roads, every time, no exceptions.
When chickens fail to cross roads that’s because they CROSSED IMPROPERLY.
(… etc etc)
To misreport the evolution issue.
It’s the lost tomb of the King of the Chickens!
The chicken made up its claim that it crossed the road. How dare the chicken support made up stuff? That’s dishonest!
Join me tomorrow when I’ll be promoting “The Secret”.
If the chicken had only stayed on this side of the road, Scientology would have been able to get it off drugs and save its life.
At least I’m not as crazy as Tom Cruise.
Science has unnecessarily narrowed humanity's view of why chickens cross roads.
Science can’t understand why chickens cross roads which means that materialism is false.
It’s impossible for a chicken to cross the road under those conditions and in under 90 minutes.
If we can study chickens crossing roads, they must have been intelligently designed.
SETI don’t know who their designer is, and so chickens must have been designed to cross roads
"Perverts Without Morals" chose to deliberately mock Jesus Christ, Christians and The Last Supper, by depicting a chicken in the place of Jesus Christ. An egg can clearly be seen in front of the chicken, and we Christians will no longer tolerate this abuse nor be silent.
I’m an ex-homosexual.
I have a friend, a chicken, who wanted to cross a road. As I was walking I met a woman. She said, "I build pedestrian crossings, I'd be happy to take this case." This proves God exists.
The chicken didn’t thank Jesus for its crossing the road award. This is disgraceful. The chicken needs to make a swift and unequivocal apology to Christians. If she does, she will get this issue behind her. If she does not, she will be remembered as a foul-mouthed bigot for the rest of her life.
I’m a professional victim.
I'm very angry about it because people are going to get salmonella - there is absolutely no reason to think that homeopathy works to prevent salmonella and you won't find that in any textbook or journal of homeopathy so people will get salmonella, people may even die of salmonella if they follow this advice.
It cures everything else, though.
I don’t give a rat’s ass about your studies. I win money betting on horses so I know that chickens cross roads because of the thimerosal in vaccines.
I’m a true scientist.
If the chicken crossed the road The Society’s reputation could have been lowered.
Another good way to lower The Society’s reputation would be to instigate an absurd meritless lawsuit.
The Fallacy of the Enlightenment is the glib assumption that we can discover why chickens cross roads and understand reality.
I have this magic quantum box that can tell me exactly where in the world a chicken is crossing the road. All I need is a piece of the chicken’s DNA. Look, I said DNA. Also GPS. So this must be science, science, science! That is what is so fantastic about it. It’s just science. That’s it. I have no idea where Madeleine McCann is though.
I work in security at a university.
A chicken doesn’t cross the road when it crosses the road, and we know this because Stephen Hawking says we understand energy.
James van Praagh
There is no such thing as chickens crossing roads. There is no such thing as chickens crossing roads.
Criss Angel is trying to prove that chickens can’t walk on water which means I have paranormal powers.
It’s disgraceful that we experiment on chickens by seeing if they can cross roads. Send back any products from companies that make chickens cross roads. Terrorize the scientists who work for them. Pass me my pain pills. They’ve been fully tested on chickens, right?
I know the chicken crossed the road but I’m going to keep debating the issue anyway.
We have seen a 50% drop in chickens crossing roads due to this SO SUCCESSFUL anti-crossing campaign.
Goldacre seems to think that chickens cross roads by walking. He omits the critical component of looking both ways ('lookcussion') first, without which they would, indeed, not “reach the other side”.
Stop calling me a chicken or I’ll sue. It worked so well for The Society of Homeopaths.
You’re banned for daring to ask such a question.
I predicted when and where the chicken would cross the road. Did Sylvia Browne do that? I don’t think so.