A woman in England claims to be an Asparamancer – she tells fortunes using asparagus:
Ms Packington, from Worcester, throws the asparagus spears onto the floor and makes her predictions based on how they land.
She says she stumbled across her asparagus-predicting skills a few years ago by chance, after some stalks fell on the floor and she made a prediction which came true.
As good a method as any other I suppose. Which is to say, totally useless. Half-assed, you might say. As useless as an Astrologer. I doubt it’s the dawning of the age of asparagus. Er, that’s all I got.
Packington shouldn’t be confused with Sylvester Stallone’s mother, Jackie – she tells your fortune by looking at your ass. Completely different thing.
I predict your pee will smell funny.