If you believe in this it’s not real

Betcha didn’t realize I’m all knowing and all seeing? Well, I am, see. So I’m told anyway. Apparently, some friends of mine were having a debate about whether water drains clockwise or anti-clockwise depending on if you are in the northern or southern hemisphere (it doesn’t). One friend insisted it had nothing to do with which hemisphere you’re in, but was totally dependent on the design of the sink and drain. He was asked how he knew, and he said “(Skeptico) told me”. That apparently ended the debate. Wow, I never know I had such power! (All I have to do now is get them to stop believing in astrology. Oh well, one thing at a time.)

Anyway, this same friend was being bugged by some other people who apparently think the government is using secret Russian mind-control technology on us, or something. He gave me a printout of New world Order and ELF Psychotronic Tyranny and asked me what I think. Some samples:

...WE MUST CHANGE OUR NATIONAL INSTITUTIONS if we are to change our international relations. ... THE UNITED STATES IS PREPARING TO MAKE AVAILABLE OUR BASES AND FACILITIES FOR MULTI-NATION TRAINING AND FIELD EXERCISES. One such base, with facilities is Fort Dix, N.J."
President Bill Clinton has continued and expanded George Bush's surrender-America policy. As a result, increasing numbers of foreign troops, including Russian Spetsnaz, along with vast amounts of foreign military equipment are now entering the United States to serve as a U.N. OCCUPATION force.

On May 3, 1994, President Clinton signed an Executive Order Presidential Decision Directive (originally numbered PPD-13, later changed to PPD-25) that places U.S. troops under U.N. command and abolished the law limiting the number of U.S. troops that can be committed to the U.N. without approval of Congress.
PPD-25 also created special funding for U.N. peacekeeping and occupation forces, that permits an UNLIMITED drain upon the U.S. Treasury. American Tax payers will be forced to pay any amount demanded by the U.N. occupation forces.

…

Acting under U.N. occupation orders, U.S. military and national guard forces are now being trained to attack civilians in this country. In Alaska, contingents of Russian military OCCUPATION FORCES are reported to have already landed. State and Federal forces, have begun house-to-house surveys, looking for gun collectors and checking attitudes for possible patriotic resistance.

Marines were asked to give their attitudes on the treason statement: "I am a United Nations fighting person. I serve in the forces which maintain world peace and EVERY Nation's way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their service." The last item on the survey asked the Marines' attitude about the statement: "I WOULD FIRE UPON U.S. CITIZENS, WHO REFUSED OR RESIST CONFISCATION OF FIREARMS BANNED BY THE U.S. GOVERNMENT."
As more Russian and United Nations occupation troops enter the United States, the White House is expecting strong resistance from loyal Americans. To QUIETLY suppress these patriotic fighters, President Clinton is getting help from the old Soviet KGB.
Moscow is now supplying Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno with a whole new class of weapons, that will be specifically TARGETED AGAINST AMERICAN CIVILIANS.

…and on and on for another 20 pages.

In summary, I think they’re saying the New World Order (some kind of UN world government headed up by the Russians and the US) troops have invaded the US, and US troops are being trained to fight against US citizens but the government is using remote mind control technology to prevent the US population from finding out about this. Psychic powers are being employed too, as is some kind of giant laser on the space shuttle for “mind zapping”. People are being tricked into thinking they were abducted by aliens, so they won’t realize they have really been hit by the government’s mind-zapping laser beams. (Hey, alien abductions aren’t real – told you!) And all this was predicted in Revelations. Oh and yes, all this happened during Clinton’s presidency, 11 years ago.

I think that’s it.

It’s hard to know exactly where to start with such crazy conspiracy nut stuff, but just a few observations:

1. There are a lot of claims about what the government is doing, but little (read zero) evidence to back it up. Where are the references? (Ah yes, the mind control ensures there is no evidence – cunning! But then how do we know about it at all?)
2. It’s dated 1994 (the printout is – and as far as I can see the printout is identical to the link). That's a year before Windows 95!  So why is there no evidence of this UN world army eleven years later (when we need it!)?
3. What is it with this superior Soviet technology? Have you ever driven a Russian car, watched a Russian TV or used a Russian computer?  Me neither. 
4. If they have this mind control stuff (this was eleven years ago, remember) why aren't they using it in Fallujah now?
5. Why so much written in ALL CAPITALS as though WRITING IN ALL CAPITALS MAKES IT TRUE?
6. If the government really is controlling our minds the way this article says, how come we are able to read about it so easily? The government can control everything with this sinister new technology but can’t shut down this one puny website that gives away all the secrets? If mind control is real, surely we wouldn’t know about it?

What the hell, I think I’ll just refer to John Baez’ Crackpot Index. The following are especially relevant:

2) 1 point for every statement that is widely agreed on to be false.

3) 2 points for every statement that is clearly vacuous.

4) 3 points for every statement that is logically inconsistent.

7) 5 points for each word in all capital letters

Number seven’s a killer – that alone puts the score at over 8,000 by my rough count. Baez doesn’t say what score you have to achieve to qualify as a crackpot, but I think I can safely say the guy who wrote this is...

Hey, perhaps these people need to make themselves one of these thought screen helmets from Stop Alien Abductions (“it’s a tested device that works”). It has full assembly instructions (“Apply tape to any areas  that need reinforcement. Remember, you will sleep with the hat on”), and instructions for use (“One abductee reported that when she wasn't wearing the helmet, the aliens gave her a telepathic command when they were about to take her to not put on (sic) the helmet. The only way to stop such alien telepathic commands is to wear the helmet as much as possible”), and testimonials (“Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society. My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity”).

Who could argue with that?

Comments

[Zeilfroid from Algorg]

You thought you could get away from autism, didn't you???
This is from the instructions on how to make your own thought control helmet site linked to above. There's a case history page with this on it.
---
December, 2000
The woman’s son, age 8, starting wearing a #3 helmet. Previous to the helmet he was diagnosed as autistic, had reoccurring nightmares of what he said were monsters, and told his mother that aliens told him to obey them. He has not been taken while wearing the helmet and his doctors report that his autism has improved markedly. However, he reported that he was abducted on his way to or from school. He had several unexplained marks on his body and told his mother that he had surgery. A neurologist who examined the boy said he has an abnormal EEG.
----
It's obvious that they have discovered that alien abduction is the cause of autism, also called "ooops wrong planet syndrome".
IT MUST BE TRUE. IT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN KENNEDY'S THIMEROSAL PARANOIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOESN'T IT?????????

[outeast]

Whaddaya doin dissin dat superior soviet tech, eh? Never seen a skoda? Or a Lada? You must at least know of the masterly Trabant, shurely?

Almost any Soviet car can outperform everything made by the 'tech-savvy' nips or you dammned yanks.

[Kristjan Wager]

Seems like outeast is a little fuzzy on his pre-collapse East-block geography. Most of the car models he mentioned were not from the Soviet Union, but from other East-block countries.

[latibulum]

about the water swirl, down a drain. It is quite easy to get it to reverse and go the other way, I studied this once when I had a job which meant I had to, several times a day, pour liquid, from a large beaker, into a bottle thru' a large funnel. It is quite ewasy to do it to the water in a bathtub, or sink, once set in one direction it will continue until you reverse it. People confuse it with the coriolis effect.

[Joseph Thompson]

Russia and the Eastern bloc have built many fine computers. . .Of course, most of them are Spectrum clones with 1982 technology. But they're sturdy and easily expandable.

[James Lorigan]

If you want this be a mind-control week at Skeptico, you could do worse than look at www.mindjustice.org . My favorite part is the 'Psychotronic Golgotha' section under 'Research and Strategies'. It's a bizarre, poorly-translated rant against "psycho-programming", "brain jailers" and "Baba Yagi". Not that it's wholly without merit - what chapter heading from conventional English could match "Towards a Backward Thinking In the Name of Stopping the Bio-robotizational Madness", or "The White House in a Psychotronic Dimension"?

[Doggs]

Don't assume there aren't woo-woos in the government.

Mind Control and the Secret State

http://www.namebase.org/news12.html

[BronzeDog]

About the water swirling thing: It seems the Earth's equator runs NNW/SSE through my bathroom: My toilet goes counterclockwise, and my sink goes clockwise. Double-checked just now.

[Michael Menkin]

As of Dec. 2005 a hat with velostat worn by autistic children has improved their performance markedly. Michael Menkin is seeking more autistic children in the Seattle, Washington area to try the hat. Some of the autistic children who improved after wearing the hat with velostat for over three months are not related to UFOs or any alien phenomenon.

The researhc of Michael Menkin into alien abductions, with interview of several people with encounter experiences, was featured on KINGTV Evening News Program on November 16, 2005.

Michael Menkin will answer any legitmate questions about autistic children and the use of a hat with velostat at [email protected].

Thank you.

Michael Menkin

[BronzeDog]

Are the studies controlled and double-blind? What are the criteria to measure improvement?

[David N. Andrews BA-status, PgCertSpEd (pending)]

The Dec2000 case "study"...

"Previous to the helmet he was diagnosed as autistic, had reoccurring nightmares of what he said were monsters, and told his mother that aliens told him to obey them."

This sounds more like schizophrenia in childhood (highly rare indeed, but not impossible) than autism.

"He has not been taken while wearing the helmet and his doctors report that his autism has improved markedly."

Oh, so he's getting better at being autistic, is he? :-/

"However, he reported that he was abducted on his way to or from school."

Wearing a Menkin hat would make someone look so embarrassing that even the most hideous children's kidnapper wouldn't want to be seen snatching a kid wearing one, for fear of looking as much of a prick as the kid wearing it does!

"A neurologist who examined the boy said he has an abnormal EEG."

An EEG pattern more likely in schizophrenia, perhaps?

[HCN]

Michael Menkin said: "The researhc of Michael Menkin into alien abductions, with interview of several people with encounter experiences, was featured on KINGTV Evening News Program on November 16, 2005."

I checked the King5 archives, and there is no mention of that report (I have an account there). They do keep an archive of stories up to 6 months. I also often watch the noon news. You did not appear in any search.

At first I thought that it was a joke account, but I check www.crank.net, and your site is listed as "crankiest".