For a brilliant take on alternative “medicine”, read A Photon in the Darkness’ second part of How to Succeed at Quackery (Without Even Trying) – satirical instructions for how to milk your alternative niche for all it is worth.
For example, some advice on billing:
Maintenance or multiple visit schemes work best if the bill for each individual visit is smaller. Look at chiropractors, the past masters of this scheme - they charge much less than real doctors for an office visit because they know that this will impress the mark with how much more economical chiropractic is. What the mark doesn't know is that the $60 chiropractic bill will be repeated ad infinitum without having any lasting impact on their physical health.
On your waiting room:
People hate waiting in doctor's offices - surveys have shown that over and over. And the reason they have to wait is that real doctors are treating real diseases that don't always follow the rules of a fifteen minute office visit. Since the quack is either treating imaginary diseases or is giving imaginary treatments, the quack office can run on a much tighter schedule. Your job is to make sure that it does.
On the first consultation:
Plan on a long first visit - an hour or so. This will give the mark the chance to tell you the whole sad story of their life. Don't try to keep them on the track or interrupt them with questions. It doesn't matter if they spend the whole hour talking about how their boss doesn't appreciate them, because it will have no impact on what you do - your treatment will be the same no matter what they say.
All so true. When can we start?
Chiropractic bill: $60
10 homeopathic headache pills: $42
Getting money for nothing: Priceless
Posted by: BronzeDog | October 28, 2005 at 06:08 AM
And your chicks for free...
Posted by: Rockstar | October 28, 2005 at 06:44 AM
Completely forgot about that. Should have waited a little longer before getting my brain out of the gutter.
Posted by: BronzeDog | October 28, 2005 at 06:51 AM