Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine retribution for the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza. That’s according to our good old friend, Pat Robertson (who else):
He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America… God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone.
There you have it. Goddidit. It couldn’t be because Sharon was 77 years old (the risk doubles with each decade after age 35), and not exactly a picture of health, oh no it wasn’t that. It was God’s punishment. Well, thanks for clearing that up Pat.
Have you ever noticed how Pat is sort of a one-note act? City gets wiped out by massive hurricane? God smote the ho-mo-sect-u-alls! City rejects superstitious malarkey? God will smite the human secularist infidels! Aged Israeli PM has a stroke? God is pissed 'cause he wouldn't kill the Ay-rab interlopers! You'd think Pat's flock would catch on, but they never do. Of course, I have to wonder myself if Pat isn't really more concerned with his own mideast real estate deal than with peace (or the lack thereof) in the Middle East.
Posted by: tng | January 05, 2006 at 10:16 PM
Religion is a mental illness.
Posted by: Martin Wagner | January 05, 2006 at 11:14 PM
God's a landowner now? Cool. How do we buy God's land? I just had a vision where he'd sell it to me for some beads and $24(US).
Posted by: Rockstar Ryan | January 06, 2006 at 06:12 AM
It's quite simple: You can take the land from Him. You just need some silver dust and a cleric or druid of high enough level to cast a consecrate spell to dispell the existing desecrate effect.
Wait...
No, I got that right.
Posted by: BronzeDog | January 06, 2006 at 06:42 AM
Sharon was very much overweight too, though I suppose Americans are so used to obesity they don't notice that.
Posted by: latibulum | January 06, 2006 at 07:03 AM
*finishes his 12th Big Mac*
Huh, you say something?
Posted by: BronzeDog | January 06, 2006 at 07:10 AM
Made me think of our anagrams post. Non-US readers ought to like this anagram:
United States of America = Dine out, taste a Mac; fries. (remembered to close tags this time. Sorry Skeptico:)
Another creepy related anagram:
Ariel Sharon = Oh, ran Israel.
Posted by: Rockstar Ryan | January 06, 2006 at 07:27 AM
John Stewart said the exact same thing about Sharon's weight and age last night on The Daily Show. Must be something about right-wing religious nuttiness that obscures your vision. I recommend Pat get his eyes checked.
Posted by: Ericnh | January 06, 2006 at 11:17 AM
I've found my life is a lot better now that I've started treating Pat Robertson's commentary as parody. I think of it as a funnier version of The Onion.
Posted by: Eric | January 06, 2006 at 12:21 PM
Robertson's 75 himself. It won't be too long before he dies. Will his followers blame God for that, too? It's interesting how they know which death's are God smiting (smoting?) and which ones are God calling his children back home.
Posted by: GRW | January 07, 2006 at 03:01 AM
I think what Robertson is trying to tell us is that everyone would live forever and be happy and prosperous if it weren't for God.
Seriously - he's perpetuating fear and superstition. I wonder why he would want to do that?
Posted by: Paul | January 09, 2006 at 01:13 PM
Of course God is behind all of this. God made me write this too.*
.
*This entire post is a poor attempt at humor
Posted by: Jodie | January 09, 2006 at 10:54 PM