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February 03, 2006


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Ooo! Do me! Do me!

Had a little fun writing a post tonight. Also, I recently learned how to put links into my posts so that I don't do the weird text drift thing.

One of my own:

Fore Sam:

To dodge my questions about its stock portfolio and ramble on about inanities like "evidence."

An what has the chicken itself got to say about this?


Yo, Skep-dude! Just crossed the road to wish you a happy birthday. Respect for keeping one of the best skepticism blogs on the net. Word!

Brilliant, I especially liked the ones at the end.

Great stuff. Altie types are always fun to poke at. It was even fun seeing you poke fun at your fellow skeptical bloggers, and even yourself.

We really need to be able to laugh at ourselves.

My brother has a hypothesis that all humor (except maybe slapstick) has a basis in logical fallacies. No wonder alties have no sense of humor and are unable to construct jokes.

Quantum Physicist answer:

The chicken is on both sides of the road and when you observe it, the wave function for the chicken on the other side of the road collapses to zero, and equals one on this side of the road.

Oldie for you math-oriented people:

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the same side.

Why did the Chicken cross the road

I thought it was to prove to the possum it could be done...

Durn funny.

Absolutely brilliant!

My own humble contribution:

Dr. Joseph Mercola
I am trying to obtain a copy of a Russian study in which it was shown that road-crossing disturbed the life-force of chickens, causing their flesh and eggs to become violently toxic. Eating chickens after they have crossed roads is the real cause of AIDS, but this fact has been covered up by the FDA and the Department of Transportation, who never did a study of HIV in omelettes. If you send me $72.00, I will ship you a pint of Tropical Living Chicken Fat (TM), which will cure both cancer AND bad breath -- and you won't even have to cross the road!
(I'm an osteopath.)

JB Handley

All the available evidence points to chicken road-crossing, along with thimerosal, being a cause of autism.

Congratulations, this is a real gem!

Congratulations, this is a real gem!

Happy birthday! A very funny birthday entry today. I laughed, I cried, I laughed some more, then I felt guilty over lying about the crying.

Also, my favourite joke I made up when I was eight:

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: He was being chased by Colonel Sanders.

And, finally, a Matrixism: "There is no road."


Then there's me:

"The issue here really has little to do with crossings of any kind. The real question is whether or not a chicken makes a good poo target... ah, what the hell: I'll throw anyway, just for personal amusement."

Great post, by the way!

Penn and Teller:

Because it listened to the fuckin' idiots telling it not to cross the road. JESUS fucking CHRIST, how fuckin' stupid can you be?

Look, we understand there are some chickens who don't want to cross the road for their own personal reasons, and we're okay with that. But when these fearmongering ASSHOLES start scaring perfectly normal chickens into living their lives on just one side of the road, we say BULLSHIT.

To prove to the racoon that it could be done.
(You never see chicken carcasses on the road.)

The chicken crossed the road to avoid being chelated, didn't it?

Smart chicken.

Thank you, Autism Diva laughed so hard she had to keep wiping the tears from her eyes. You totally nailed Bobby Kennedy Jr.


The major division in the Chicken Family is between deliberate and inattentive Chickens. Deliberate Chickens are aware that they are crossing the road and don’t care – inattentive Chickens think that they aren't actually crossing a road at all and so don't care. As a result, this division is largely a cosmetic one, since the effects and actions of the two groups are largely the same. It can therefore be nearly impossible to differentiate between the two groups in the field, since the distinguishing characteristic is intent, rather than action.


Yesterday lost in a migraine haze, it was delightful to wake up to this, Skeptico. Thanks for making me laugh. Happy blogbirthday.

Bronze Dog - your wish is granted.

Careful what you wish for. ;-)

To parody myself, I put "chicken cross road" into PubMed search box and got 30 cites. All papers about stuff that have nothing to do with roads.

Heh, nice. :)

Kevin Trudeau

The chicken could easily cross the road if not for the unholy alliance between car manufacturers and the Department of Transportation. There are natural ways to cross virtually all roads but they don't want you to know about them because it will cut into their profits. Learn more about ways to naturally cross roads in my book, on my website, by watching my infomercials, or simply take out $30 and burn it to achieve the same effect.

I haven't had the opportunity to interview Kevin Trudeau himself but I have met with the next best thing: http://theclayexperience.blogspot.com/2005/11/unintelligent-design-interview-with.html

My Dad likes to call PETA People who Eat Tasty Animals. Chickens are tasty. Therefore chicken-road-crossing is a conspiracy to kill chickens so PETA can eat them.

Darn, I forgot to finish typing in my URL.



Funny. Good pick, Fhnu. (Link made for easy clicking.)

"Quantum Physicist answer:

The chicken is on both sides of the road and when you observe it, the wave function for the chicken on the other side of the road collapses to zero, and equals one on this side of the road."

And immediately the egg appears on the opposite side of the road. (Spooky Chicken at a Distance).

Larry King:
"Well, if the chicken crossed the road, why are there still chickens back on the other side?"

This looks like fun!

How about Twisty Faster?

I sure could get outside of some of that chicken barbecued with a side of that which is called broccolini. *insert exquisite picture of culinary masterpiece*

Did the chicken actually wish to cross the road? I pity the fool who doesn't know the answer to that. I Blame the Patriarchy.

Wow, I hope Twisty doesn't get irritated by this. Her writing style is way better than this.

By the way, dead on parody of Orac! Ha!

May I offer the following additions:

Any AIDS denier:
There is no definite connection between crossing the road and getting to the other side. It is merely misinformation perpetrated by a bigoted First-World conspiracy against non-white Third World populations.

Wendi Friesen (hypnotist/charlatan):
I can guarantee that within 24 hours that chicken can be cured of its road-crossing habits. Only $49!

A great many paranoid conspiracy theorists (PCTs) and average Joes and Joettes are conscious of the esoteric order named the Illuminati. The Illuminati is commonly believed to have its roots in the European Enlightenment and it’s believed the order was founded in May 1776 by Adam Weishaupt a Jesuit instructed Professor of canon law. Today there’s a growing belief that the Illuminate is not simply a benign group of intellectuals and wealthy adherents seeking camaraderie in kind but is in fact a malignant entity dedicated to the creation of a one world order in which the masses are enslaved and controlled by “the few”.

David Icke is perhaps the most well-known and vociferous campaigner against the Illuminati and he reputedly believes the Illuminati controls humanity via machinations, subterfuge, secrecy, and conspiracy. Indeed, David Icke cites the Holocaust, Oklahoma City bombing, the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, the war in Bosnia, and the September 11, 2001 attacks as examples of events orchestrated by the Illuminati; Icke believes these orchestrated catastrophes are designed to coerce, control and led the masses into submissive subjugation — to a world in which the Illuminati have complete, unequivocal and unanswerable control over the ignorant masses.

Recently it was proposed that Fashion has its own form of the Illuminati. This elite order of “fashion” Illuminati apparently coerce, control and led the masses into submissive style — dictating what is fashionable and thereby excluding free and true style which they consider a threat to their positions of power. Most historic Fashion Houses have been identified as members of this esoteric order and a number of media channels have been accused of being complicit in the conspiracy to control the fashion buying masses. It has been suggested that if we look around us today we will see clear evidence to support this conspiracy theory as the verve of youth and innovation is suppressed in favor of drab, lifeless mediocrity.

On the other hand, perhaps we should not look to blame secret orders for the serious, and not so serious, issues of our time. Perhaps we, you and I, the masses, need to step forward and through our own spirit, determination and desire for change claim a new future built on egalitarianism, inclusive respect and opportunity for all.

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