God Fails

Newsflash: God failed tonight to get Huckabee elected President. Imagine my surprise.

We know Huckabee was God’s candidate. After all, the man himself said:

There’s only one explanation for it, and it’s not a human one. It’s the same power that helped a little boy with two fish and five loaves feed a crowd of five thousand people. (Applause) That’s the only way that our campaign can be doing what it’s doing. And I’m not being facetious nor am I trying to be trite. There literally are thousands of people across this country who are praying that a little will become much, and it has. And it defies all explanation, it has confounded the pundits. And I’m enjoying every minute of them trying to figure it out, and until they look at it, from a, just experience beyond human, they’ll never figure it out. And it’s probably just as well. That’s honestly why it’s happening.

I’ll repeat – Huckabee said of his earlier poll success: “There’s only one explanation for it”. Only one. What’s the explanation now then Mike? Did God change his mind? Or is he not powerful enough to swing a few measly votes? Or,  maybe your imaginary sky fairy doesn’t exist.

There’s only one explanation for it, and it’s not a supernatural one. It’s the same complete lack of power that proves again and again that prayer doesn’t work. (Applause)  And I’m not being facetious (actually I am, but who’s counting), nor am I trying to be trite. There literally were thousands of people across this country who were praying that a little will become much, and it didn’t. And it is totally expected and totally explainable. It has confounded the religious idiots (OK, some redundancy there).  And I’m enjoying every minute of them trying to figure it out. And until they look at it from a rational perspective (as if) they’ll never figure it out. And that's a pity. That’s honestly why it happened.

Honestly.

Your God was no use. Never was. Never will be.

Comments

Applause!

[Roy Choco]

Maybe more people were praying for McCain. :)

[Hypatia's Girl]

No, no, no. It's not that God has abandoned Huckabee et al., rather the godless heathen ways of the literally millions of people across this country who were paying the slightest attention and as such ran screaming (albeit sometimes in laughter) from Huck has led god to curse America with a choice of presidential candidates who are not(obviously) batshit crazy. And Ron Paul. And Ralph Nader.

Maybe we should be more godless.

[stavros]

I find it baffling that there are still "studies" to test such a ridiculous claim as "praying". And I also believe that putting weight on the negative results of such studies might give them a stepping stone when (if) a false positive appears.

There is no point in testing something so absurd. It is the same problem that appeared with homeopathy for example: no basis at all but we gave emphasis on the trials and now there are many false positives and we have a problem...

[Citizen Deux]

As a secularist to the core, I am intrigued by the persistence of myth. Specifically in the organized religions and the resurgence of New Wage (Thanks Connie!) philosophies. John F. Schumaker, in his work Corruption of Reality, equates the necessity for irrational thought with a psychological need for dissociation.

The hope for Mike seems to follow this trend, actually in a similar fashion to the fervor of the fanatical for Ron and Ralph!

[Tom S. Fox]

Sorry for bringing this off-topic, I would have posted it in the "Law of Attraction" thread, but it’s closed.

Anyway, you should totally watch this video about the law of attraction:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR27PoeOnXc

That guy also has other episodes on things like creationism, the bible code, etc.

[Critical Critique]

God failed? Again? Why am I not surprised? ;-)

[A Knife Called Mike]

Thought was my first thought when I heard he had to drop out! Ha ha! I thought Huckabee majored in miracles? Where's his miracle? Should he go back to Miracle School?

[A Knife Called Mike]

Why didn't Huckabee use that song from Breakin' 2 for his campaign? You know? The one that goes, "Give! Give! Give! Give so Miracles can live!"

[Tom Foss]

God failed? Again? Why am I not surprised? ;-)

Oh no, when God fails, it usually leads to terrible catastrophes for us. Forget that creations with no sense of "good" and "evil" won't know that disobedience is wrong -> death, eviction, and painful childbirth. Send irresistibly-attractive angels to town, where people are inevitably attracted to them -> fire, brimstone, and one woman turned to salt. Fail to use omniscience to see how freewill-endowed creations will inevitably disappoint you -> destroy all but 8 people and a variety of animals with a global flood. Forget to build Heaven high enough -> break down buildings and spread confusion.

So what's going to be our inevitable punishment for God's latest cock-up, "endorse an insane candidate who stands no chance of winning so much as a Hot Dog Eating Contest"? I'm betting it'll have something to do with hamsters.

[Mongrel]

"There’s only one explanation for it, and it’s not a human one. It’s the same power that helped a little boy with two fish and five loaves feed a crowd of five thousand people."

So god stuffed the ballot boxes first time round?

[Tom Foss]

It’s the same power that helped a little boy with two fish and five loaves feed a crowd of five thousand people.

Um...wasn't Jesus thirty-something at that time? I mean, I suppose he was unmarried, jobless, and technically still living with his parents, but that hardly makes him a "little boy," more a "man-child."

[Unconvinced]

God didn't "stuff" the ballot boxes. Jay-sus "divided" the ballots, just like the fish and loaves. It sounds more divine and magical and less unseemly that way.

[darthcynic]

Oh no doubt his loss will be turned into a test of his faith or other such nonsense excuse. If there be one thing they are good at, its making stuff up to suit their circumstance.

"There is no point in testing something so absurd."

Actually there is a point, to definitively demonstrate that there is or is not some phenomena. To not test a thing leaves science open to easy allegations of close mindedness. That the lads in lab coats are afraid of the truth and are trying to suppress it. The true believers are also free to run their own half assed tests and experiments which will no doubt result in many a positive to reinforce their claim. Because the claims you mentioned were tested we now know them to be false and can point to these results when arguing against them. I would be pretty certain that these tests and the subsequent failures lead to the NHS in the UK shutting off financial support for homeopathy.

[John Best]

Isn't it obvious that God favored McCain because he said he'd do the right thing for autistic children?

[Tom Foss]

Your tinfoil hat is slipping, John. Go back to the tracks.

[David Ratnasabapathy]

Tom Foss:

Um...wasn't Jesus thirty-something at that time? ... that hardly makes him a "little boy," more a "man-child."

In the story of the loaves and fishes in John chapter 6, Jesus is preaching to a large crowd. He decides to feed them. There is a boy present who has five barley loaves and two fish. Jesus takes that food and miraculously manages to distribute it among the the crowd.

The "little boy" is the kid with the food, not Jesus.

[Darrell]

Maybe God is a McCain supporter!

[Darrell]

Wow, do I feel stupid, just noticing John's post...

[Tom Foss]

The "little boy" is the kid with the food, not Jesus.

I know, I know; I just thought the ambiguity in Huckabee's statement was funny. When you think about "the miracle of loaves and fishes," you don't think usually about the kid being the agent behind it.

[Jimmy_Blue]

Darrell

Not sure if you've come across Bestie before, but whilst it appears you were joking it is almost (probably) certain Bestie wasn't.

Best believes in god, even though as I pointed out above he lets people have autism so he can win elections for ridiculously stupid Republicans.

That means god lets your son have autism Bestie.

[Valkyries]

I'm confused Jimmy_Blue.

You don't believe in god, but you pointed out:
"he lets people have autism so he can win elections for ridiculously stupid Republicans.
That means god lets your son have autism Bestie."

Either YOU are joking or YOUR logic is ridiculously stupid.

Which is it? LOL

[Q]

Since when did he say that HE believed in god? It's the suggested god that Best believes in, so I'd be betting on it being a point of focus or YOU misinterpreting in a really bad way.

[Jimmy_Blue]

I'm confused Jimmy_Blue.

Doesn't appear to take much.

[Valkyries]

Thanks. No longer confused it's clearly the latter.

[Jimmy_Blue]

Right, because it obviously couldn't be what Q already pointed out to you. Could it? You see, you forgot the third option:

You didn't get what I wrote.

But go on, why is my logic ridiculously stupid?

[Darrell]

Jimmy_Blue,

Yes! Yes, and again yes; I was most emphatically joking.

[Darrell]

"It's the suggested god that Best believes in..."

Ah, as opposed to the *actual* one.

[Q]

That's a safety. Though it's most certainly the Christian bogeyman, considering his predilection with horses, he may also secretly worship Poseidon.

[Jimmy_Blue]

Darrell:

That's what I figured, but you never know. After Bestie it's hard to figure out what's a joke and what is purebred moron.

Just take Valkyries false dilemma as one example. Come on Valkyries, I'm waiting.

[Darthcynic]

Alas Jimmy_blue the Valkyries person would appear to be the usual religiosity afflicted thrall that has no concept of intelligent, rational thought. It is unlikely to dent the nigh on impenetrable armour of faith and probably just an exercise in futility.

"But go on, why is my logic ridiculously stupid?"

Does it matter why or just that "it is"?
To anyone 20 or 30 years your senior the "it is" is mind numbingly clear.

There could be dozens of reasons so let me give you a start.
All of your brain synapse not firing when they should perhaps?
Why don't you ferret the reason out for yourself? After all no one really cares but you.

"Alas Jimmy_blue the Valkyries person would appear to be the usual religiosity afflicted thrall that has no concept of intelligent, rational thought."

Darthcynic you consider that comment born of intelligent, rational thought?

Since I am not religious nor did I indicate such. Which of your intelligent, rational thought processes wrongfully drew you to that conclusion?
The wise learn from their mistakes can you?

[Jimmy_Blue]

Does it matter why or just that "it is"?

Again you fail to demonstrate that it is. Must we ask for you to do so again?

To anyone 20 or 30 years your senior the "it is" is mind numbingly clear.

I'm sorry, but are you arguing you have to be old to recognise poor logic? This is such a mind-numbingly stupid argument it would be clear to a dog, yet apparently not 60 year old humans.

Humour us though oh wise and aged teacher, what is it specifically about the logic of my argument that made it ridiculously stupid?

Why don't you ferret the reason out for yourself? After all no one really cares but you.

Apparently you care enough to keep coming back to it. Although not to actually explain, but to try and divert attention I note.

Let's do this again just to see if it gets through.

You gave a false dilemma, an either/or that was not the entirety of possible explanations but tried to imply that it was. You failed to appreciate this even when it was pointed out to you, and you continue to simply reassert without providing any explanation.

The wise learn from their mistakes can you?

[torri]

i find it stupid to make God a political figure. God is not a republican, nor is he a democrat. Huckabee wasn't even close to being the right man for the job. And this is coming from a Christian. God lets us make our own decisions. Huckabee is no more important to God than is Clinton or Obama or McCain or you or me.

God and politics shouldn't be combined.